There was a boy who loved to climb. Specifically, he loved to climb doorways. He would always spread out his arms and legs and place them on specific places of the door frame to give him the best possibility of reaching the top. Finishing a climb was like winning an Olympic gold medal. He always heard the crowd chanting his name, “Jussi! Jussi! Jussi!” He would then jump down and land on his feet, maintaining his balance. Whenever he felt like it he would go through this same procedure again and again. On a day when he had reached the summit already a few times before, he was celebrating the end of the school year and the fact that he would be going to Finland for the Summer in a few days time. He decided to climb just one more time before going off to bed. His hands were sweaty and the smooth wooden frame was before him. He first extended his right arm and placed it strategically on the right side of the frame. He then took his left hand and placed it on the left side of the frame. He lifted his body up with his arms and placed his feet in their places as well. He was already a good 40 centimeters off the ground with this first effort. Preparing himself for his next move, he began to feel that something was amiss. He wasn't sure what it was though so he decided to go on anyway. He pushed up more with his arms to get higher up the door frame. His legs shot forward unexpectedly. They had slipped on the smooth wooden surface and went straight forward while his whole body turned almost parallel to the ground. No matter how much strength was in his arms, he couldn't hold himself up. His whole body plummeted to the ground.
His upper back collided first. It felt like someone had taken him and crumpled him until there was no air left, just like people do with toothpaste. He was gasping to try and fill his empty lungs. Suddenly, it dawned on him that he couldn't move. Could he have broken his spine? Was it possible that his meager fall was enough to crack bone? He couldn't believe it. There wasn't even enough air in his lungs to make a noise. Luckily, his mom was in the room. She skillfully lifted him up, making sure to keep his back and spine straight all the way. Her skills as a former nurse had come in useful to quickly assess the situation. She carefully laid him down on the bed and his breathing soon started to calm down. He was still to afraid to try move any part of his body. If anything had broken, he didn't want to know. He didn't know whether he would still be able to fly to Finland in this condition. It had been a trip he was looking forward to the whole year. He always wanted to go back. It was his home country after all. He lay there for a long time thinking about everything that would happen if he couldn't walk anymore. No more football, no more badminton, no more sports of any kind. He would have to sit in a chair for the rest of his life. He then started thinking if he would get one of those cool electric wheel chairs. Eventually he worked up the courage to attempt a move. He told his toes to wiggle, and wiggle they did! He was okay. Nothing too serious could have happened. It had given him a huge scare though and his family decided to go to the hospital to check that there weren't any fractures anyway.
After this event, it took a little while, but the boy did eventually work up the courage to attempt a door climb after a while. He climbed multiple times still after that, although more careful than before. Actually, something tells me that he is going to go climb a door right now...
Reflection on Using the Third Person
It was interesting to write in the third person about a personal story as it allowed me to give more details since I didn't feel so ashamed of it. It also allowed me to see myself from a different perspective and to see how it may have been like for my mom. It made the story more interesting to write as it was like writing a story about someone else and not me.
Your story was really interesting to read because I really liked all the figurative language that you used to tell your story. Such as the imagery of how you felt like you won a gold medal when you climbed, it meant that I could clearly picture how you were feeling. The only criticism i could give to this story is maybe show the pain a bit more, if it was a shooting pain or a dull pain ect :)
ReplyDeleteCheck your picture at the top. Something is strange?? I love your Colgate metaphor. And the tension builds as we see your fear, yet there is some humor about it too. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteWhere is entry #2??
The details and the background information of the character you give us in the beginning sets a good introduction. The exaggerated thoughts that keep flowing through the characters head also makes this piece quiet humorous. I like this piece you wrote the third person perspective well and used good literary techniques!
ReplyDeleteI loved the amount of detail you put to the scene, allowing the reader to completely illustrate the scene in their mind. The third-person perspective made this piece even more powerful, as the anonymous figure that continuously climbs simply adds more personality to the character and adds more intensity to the writing, and at the same time also adding a vast personal input. Overall, an imaginative and enjoyable piece. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you compare the experience of climbing the doorway to an olympic medal. You also insert a sup rising amount of personality into a 3rd person piece. I also liked how the exaggeration in this piece shows the serious condition of the story. Great Job!
ReplyDelete